Sister, Find Yourself Podcast
Tapping into your feminine energy through coaching and anecdotal stories of trauma, life lessons, self discovery, and empowerment. The Sister, Find Yourself Podcast is a guide to - finding yourself - being your authentic self and acquiring and refining the will to never lose "self". Not only is this life changing but attainable in all facets of your life - family, career, relationships, and self actualization.
Sister, Find Yourself Podcast
Navigating the Maze of Toxic Relationships
Ever been caught in the clutches of a toxic relationship? Ever found yourself ignoring the red flags and realizing much later the damage it has done to you? You're not alone. Join us as we unpack the hard truths about toxicity in relationships and the courage it takes to walk away. We dive deep into the signs of a toxic relationship and how sometimes, the emotional and psychological abuse can be far more damaging than physical harm. We also explore the importance of professional help when navigating out of such a relationship, and the value of self-care in nurturing physical, mental, and emotional well-being.
Friendship isn't just about the good times; it's about being there during the tough times too. In this episode, we tackle the sensitive subject of supporting friends in difficult relationships. We emphasize patience and kindness, highlight the importance of being a listening ear, and even suggest sharing this podcast to those who may find it useful. Lastly, we wrap up by sending out a heartening message to all our listeners, reminding you to make self-care a priority in your life. This episode is not just a discussion; it's a beacon of hope, encouragement, and guidance. Tune in and let's break these chains together.
Make sure to LIKE, SHARE, ENGAGE and SUBSCRIBE!!
Follow me on Instagram @sisterfindyourselfpodcast
Please join our Facebook community at Sister, Find Yourself
Music Greetings to you all. I won't say good morning because I don't know what time of day you guys will be listening to this episode, but welcome back to the Sister Find Yourself podcast. I hope everyone's weekend was amazing. I hope that your week is off to a great start and I pray that you achieve every goal that you have put on your to-do list or vision board for this week. Personally, I had a really great weekend.
Speaker 1:It's been years since I have enjoyed football season, and here recently. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that I went to a college football game at the very beginning of the season and it was my first true football game of that magnitude. I'm from the south and the conference that is pretty prevalent in the area of the country that I was from is the SWAC. So Allcorn State, jackson State, gremlin, those type of teams. I have gone to some of those football games, but when you get into bigger conferences and actually attend a football game, the fan presence, the actual atmosphere, is almost electric. So I had the fortunate opportunity to attend TCU and Colorado earlier this season. It was the first game of the season and I'm super excited. If you've listened to me for any period of time. I'll often share a quote from Dionne Sanders. I think he's amazing, I think he is a messenger and I just kind of hang on every word that he says because it's always very impactful. Now he has taken over as head coach at Colorado and this team, from what I've heard, has been trashed for years. But I know that so far their season is much better than it has been previously and they've got a lot of growth that they need to do and I expect that even if this season doesn't turn out as well as the fans and he has managed to procure a nation of fans. I don't know that it'll be everything that we would like for it to be, but I'm super excited about where he is going to take this team. I also love the way that he pours into his players. I have played well. No, I haven't played college sports, but I did attempt a little sports here and there in high school and your coach and the way that they coach you definitely matters. So, yeah, it's football season. I had a great weekend. I watched the Cowboys last night. That's another story, but if you saw the game, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:One thing that I did want to kind of touch on was the fact that so many women in my life currently are either starting new relationships, in relationships that are positive and fulfilling, and then some of them are at the end of their relationships, and anytime a relationship ends it's a struggle, whether you've known these people or that particular person for a few months, a few years or several years. Anytime a relationship comes to an end it can be difficult, but what I tell people all the time is if the relationship is toxic, then you have to look at a number of things. I'm not one to tell a person that they need to leave a relationship, because let me tell you something, when you've had enough, nobody has to tell you to leave. And then you realize what you've been subjected to and what you've been subjected to. It's almost like an epiphany where you just it's almost like you just wake up one day and realize that the best thing for you is not what you thought was the best thing for you. So today I really want to talk about liberating yourself and a few steps that you can take to remove yourself from a toxic relationship. Toxic relationships can be emotionally and mentally draining, leaving you us feeling trapped, feeling powerless. But recognizing the toxicity and taking steps to remove yourself from those types of relationships is an essential act of self-preservation and that's the number one law of human existence self-preservation. You've got to put yourself first in those type situations. So the first thing that I kind of want to talk about is the fact that you have to acknowledge the toxicity, and the first step in doing that is removing yourself from a toxic relationship. You've got to see it for what it is, and that involves a lot of introspection, identifying those patterns that are harmful and understanding the impact of the relationship on your emotional well-being. You've got to validate your experiences and acknowledge the need for change and the fact that that is crucial in initiating the journey towards liberation.
Speaker 1:We Always hear people talking about red flags when you're dating. This is a red flag, but this is a green flag. There are red flags that and those same I promise you those same, if you think back, those same red flags that you saw and just kind of brushed under the rug when you were dating this person or meeting that person's representative are the same red flags that will come back Full circle and generally be the cause for the dissolution of the relationship. So I do understand the importance of avoiding those red flags, because they're going to come back to haunt you. And toxicity, because I've been married twice.
Speaker 1:Toxicity doesn't always come in the form of physical abuse. It can come in the form of emotional abuse and although both of them are detrimental to your well-being, I'm going to stand on emotional abuse, psychological abuse being worse than physical abuse. Now don't get me wrong. Domestic violence, absolutely not. But when you abuse someone emotionally and psychologically, that is long lasting. It's hard to get past that, and I want to just say today if you've experienced that, you need to seek help. Not only do you need to remove yourself from that relationship, but you need to seek counseling, because those type things will linger in your psyche for years. So let me step off my soapbox and kind of get back into some of the ways that you can liberate yourself.
Speaker 1:Prioritize self-care. Taking care of yourself is paramount when you decide to leave a toxic relationship. You've got to focus on self-care practices that nurture your mental, your emotional and your physical well-being. It can include therapy, engaging in hobbies, practicing mindfulness and surrounding yourself with positive influences. I hope that everybody that's listening today has a group of people that they call their tribe, whether that's family, whether that's a coworker that you have befriended, whether that's a lifelong friend. We all need that support system, someone that's going to lift us up, someone that's going to root for us, someone that's going to clap for us. We all need those things. So, prioritizing your self-care it helps to build resilience and it provides a foundation for healing and growth. Number three, and this one is very important establishing boundaries. When you set and enforce boundaries, it's essential. When you remove yourself from a toxic relationship, you've got to clearly communicate your limits and expectations to the toxic individual. Because I'm not saying that.
Speaker 1:A friend of mine reached out to me a couple of months ago and this young lady had been married for over 20 years but she felt unheard, unloved and unappreciated by her husband, to the point where she was considering divorce. And my words to her were have you shared these things with him? And she said yes, that she had shared certain things that she didn't like, that she wished he'd improve on. And I was like, no, have you shared with him that you are truly considering walking away? And she said she had not. So I told her. I said if the marriage is truly important to you, if you still love this person, then sit down and have an open dialogue with him about what his behavior has you on the brink of doing, and if he truly loves values and wants to continue to be your husband, he will show up. But give him an opportunity to correct whatever behaviors have you at the point where you are ready to walk away. Because when a woman is fed up and I'm not a fan of R Kelly, but when a woman is fed up it's a wrap. So she did that. She sat down, she had a conversation with him and she reached out to me a couple of weeks ago and just thanked me, thanked me, thanked me because just simply giving her that little piece of advice has literally turned her relationship around. So I'm happy for her and, without mentioning any names, she did tell me that I could share her story, or that portion of her story with you guys.
Speaker 1:So sometimes, when you've gotten to the point where you have done all those things and nothing is happening, you may have to just cut off contact, blocking all communication channels. A lot of people will. I've seen a couple of reels and shorts that say I'm not gonna block you, I'm gonna let you watch me win and cool if that's the way you roll, that's the way you roll. But it has been my experience that just a complete cutoff is necessary because if you don't, you know good and well you're gonna be dipping back over to see what's going on with them. They're gonna be dipping in to see what's going on with you and then a message is gonna pop up in your inbox or in your DMs cut ties when you're truly ready, sever those ties.
Speaker 1:If it's a marriage and not just a relationship, seek legal counsel on what you need to do to make sure that those boundaries are established, enforced and protect your wellbeing, because, at the end of the day, it's all about you and nobody nobody needs to be subjected to a toxic relationship. Life is short. I'm all about self living, I'm all about things that bring me peace, I'm all about reciprocity and I'm all about feeling heard and understood. So again, just kind of piggybacking, when you do decide to leave, you are going to need that support system, because any Ending of a relationship can be challenging. So trusted friends, family or professionals can provide you with the guidance and encouragement needed during this process. So make sure that you surround yourself with individuals who uplift, validate your experiences, that emotional support and assistance when necessary is everything. Support systems can help you navigate the emotional challenges and provide a safe space for healing.
Speaker 1:For some people, leaving relationships, whether they're toxic or not, can be very challenging from a financial aspect. I thank God that I've always been in a position where I can take care of myself, but some people remain in toxic relationships because they don't have an out or they haven't created a plan, which is the fifth thing that I kind of want to cover, or the fifth thing that I definitely want to cover creating a plan. You've got to develop a clear plan of action when removing yourself from a toxic relationship. You've got to consider financial independence, housing arrangements, legal matters and you can seek professional advice if needed and make sure again that you have a social support network in place to assist you during this transition. Having a well thought out plan provides a sense of security and it empowers you to be able to take control of your future. So there are levels to this thing.
Speaker 1:For some people, it's easy to simply walk away. You are established enough to create or get your own space without having to worry about finances. But for others, support and making sure that you have the necessary things in place are important. So when removing yourself from a toxic relationship, first let me just say this it takes courage, but it's an empowering decision. Once you acknowledge the toxicity, prioritizing self-care, establishing boundaries, seeking support and creating a plan are essential steps on the path to liberation. Remember one thing you deserve to be in a healthy and fulfilling relationship that nurtures your well-being, and by taking these steps you reclaim your power and pave the way for a brighter and more fulfilling future. So I'm not telling anyone that's listening to me today to tuck their tail or to grab a piece of luggage out of the closet and just say, hey, I'm done.
Speaker 1:Toxicity and being a victim to a toxic relationship takes a lot out of us, and it's not as easy as we think oftentimes to walk away. I am a firm believer in the fact that God is always with us, no matter what, and sometimes, even though we know things are bad, we know this relationship is toxic, but we just decide we are going to just dig our heels in and try to work it out, and there's nothing wrong with attempting to do that either, as long as you are not being harmed physically and you have someone that can actively listen to you. But I just wanna share one of my many, many stories with you. I was in a toxic. I've been in a couple of toxic relationships actually but I was in a toxic nearly seven year marriage and there was no physical abuse.
Speaker 1:It was all very mental and psychological being accused of doing things that I wasn't doing, having to walk on eggshells because you didn't wanna do anything. That would cause an argument. And then when we did argue, their voice would get louder and kind of silence my voice. And one thing I know beyond a shadow of a doubt two people cannot talk at the same time because nobody is being heard. So when you're not actively listened to, when you feel like nothing you do matters or you're unappreciated, but you still, because you have a sense of loyalty to the relationship, because relationships are investments. They're investments of time, they're investments of our feelings.
Speaker 1:And so, even though this was not a relationship that was nurturing or loving because even when the person said I love you, it never felt sincere but let me tell you what God did One day this person just decided to pack up and leave and for a while that messed with my. It messed with my ego, it messed with a lot of. I just really had to do a lot of introspection, and then I realized that sometimes God will remove things from your life, because he sees things that we don't, he hears things that we don't, and so he will do things that he knows we cannot. And so by removing that albatross because that's literally what it was by removing that from my life that opened the door for me to begin to heal and to realize that I was worthy of so much more. So it was an extremely important lesson that I learned, and one that I will not repeat. So, yeah, just don't bring toxicity to my door, don't bring negativity to my door.
Speaker 1:And, ladies it may take some time and friends of these ladies that you know are in these situations, be gentle with them, be patient with them, and just always be an ear to hear when they come to you with whatever is going on with them, because, at the end of the day, I guarantee you self-preservation will kick in and you will get on the other side of whatever it is that you're dealing with. So, guys, I just wanna thank you for taking the time to hang out with me today. I would like to reiterate that I want you all to have an amazing week and, please like, share and subscribe to this podcast and until next time, as always, take care, thank you. I love you.